He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize