and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
