i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
