she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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