sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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