we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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