I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
