You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
