He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
