I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
