I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
