You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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