3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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