Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
