so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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