I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
