end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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