Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
