bring money and cleavage
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
