I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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