Is it because I queefed?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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