But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
