he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
