so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like eating out sand paper
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
