spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
