Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I party with great urgency now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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