I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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