Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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