Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
