Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
