It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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