I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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