she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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