i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize