Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That accounts for only three of the penises
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize