Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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