my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize