Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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