We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
