Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
