I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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