I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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