I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
