I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
