i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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