you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
