I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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