two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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