I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
