Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
