i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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