our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
