Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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