I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
