Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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