bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my sisters under your porch take her home
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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