Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
