Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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