Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
