well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
